The Perfect Conference Companion

You lie in wait, perched, ready for your turn to be chosen. Eager to do your duty. Only called upon for special gatherings--feeling used! Used only for your efficiency, people mock your appearance. They scoff at you. Is it your fault that your functionality far outweighs what society deems as attractive?

At the onset, you are aware that you will only be accepted for a short while. You humbly submit yourself to our service, outwardly loathed, yet secretly loved.

We use you. Yes, we all do. We have no qualms about strutting you about as our latest accessory when we can use you--when we all use you, like lemmings, we all accept and use you in unison.

We actually wait in line almost begging for you, but only once a year. We will use you for a few days, then toss you aside, sneering at your geekiness. Lo! Someone dares mention we ought to reconsider your social status, and she, too, is mocked!

No other, friend or foe, is so willing to proudly shout your name. No other so bold as to introduce you to others, buy you a drink and hang around all week, never really leaving your presence. No other so willing to hold your business cards for you while you take potty break. No! No one else so faithful to make sure you make it back to your hotel with your room key, driver's license, credit card, conference schedule, ink pen, lip gloss and Tony Dunn t-shirt money...no one. NO ONE! No one, but you, conference neck wallet. Conference neck wallet, I love you. And if I could teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony, I'd also teach it to embrace the neck wallet.