Conference Presenter's Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray Dropbox my files to keep

If they get borked before I wake

I pray a good preso I can fake

Amen

Midnight Apple Pie

New post on Midnight Apple Pie: Purple Abyss.

Web Programmer Job Opening in North Texas

Tarrant County College
Hurst, TX (Dallas-Fort Worth area)

TCC is the sixth-largest college/uni in Texas. Our undergraduate enrollment is about 50,000. We have five campuses, including three in Fort Worth, one in Hurst and one in Arlington.

We've had to re-post the opening of our Web Programmer position. If you are interested or want job description and salary schedule, please visit jobs.tccd.edu and use posting # 100201 in the search area.

Anyone unfamiliar with community colleges may be hesitant to consider a job with a two-year college, but please, don't let that stop you from checking it out.

Here are some of the reasons I like living in the Fort Worth area:

• I love the Fort Worth zoo. It's great!
• Super-close to MLB games, NFL games (ok, so that may not matter this year with the union disagreement, but maybe next year?), NHL matches, NBA games
• Concerts, concerts, concerts! Large and small venues
• Theater productions
• Fort Worth has an amazing museum district
• The TRE. This commuter train runs between downtown Fort Worth and downtown Dallas. Makes going to games, concerts or other events in downtown Dallas less hectic when you can park at a stop in Tarrant County and just ride the train to Dallas. The American Airlines Center (where the Dallas Mavericks play & where many concerts are held) is a stop on the TRE. No fighting traffic or parking!
• Snopocalypse is a rare event. Let's be honest, snow is a rare event.

Now for some of the reasons I like working for TCC:

• I worked at a four-year university before coming to TCC. I liked the idea/promise of TCC's mission statement and what they *told* me community colleges offer for the county, but now that I am here, I see first-hand the impact we have on the community and in turn, the community has on the state. (Really, I'm not being sales-y.)
• Access to the wellness/fitness centers on any of the campuses
• For a big college, we have a pretty close-knit staff (coworker actually told me this one, but I also believe it)
• Serving such a large institution means each week is full of variety--no day is ever the same.
• For an edu, we keep up with the latest technology in areas such as network servers, videoconferencing, classroom tools.
• While the FT web staff have members that report to the Information Technology side of the house and members that report to the communication/marketing/pr side of the house, we work well together. The three of us current FT web staff work diligently to make sure what we do serves the college community, regardless of our reporting structure.
• Our team is growing. When I started here at TCC in March 2008 there were two of us: the webmaster, David, and me--web content editor. David worked tirelessly to convince our administrators that we were in need of additional hands and minds. In 2009 a new position was created and Robert began Sept. 09. Since that time we have also been working and pushing for more help so our site could have the attention it needs. Last fall we were given the green-light for two additional positions: one web programmer and one more web content editor.

Let me know if I can tell you anything else about our awesome school to persuade you to apply. :-)

Poem for #facepalm

for my heweb twitter friends:

There once was a dreamer named #thumbsup
Her heart she did try to not corrup’
Alas, in came the boss
Her grin she did toss
Madness over-runneth her cup.

In walked #unrealisticexpectations with sexy swagger
Wooing us with songs like Mick Jagger.
It’s ruined my life-
Nothing but strife
Makes me wanna use this here dagger.

But #facepalm is sent from above
You caress my face with so much love.
When I dare not see
What is ailing me
You cover my eyes like a warm glove.

BAM! BAM!

Using my personal blog space for unique way to win office game. Boo-ya, Tribblito. Boo-ya! BTW, you can send this link to Dee if you'd like to get her.

~Susan "buck shot" Ragland

The Perfect Conference Companion

You lie in wait, perched, ready for your turn to be chosen. Eager to do your duty. Only called upon for special gatherings--feeling used! Used only for your efficiency, people mock your appearance. They scoff at you. Is it your fault that your functionality far outweighs what society deems as attractive?

At the onset, you are aware that you will only be accepted for a short while. You humbly submit yourself to our service, outwardly loathed, yet secretly loved.

We use you. Yes, we all do. We have no qualms about strutting you about as our latest accessory when we can use you--when we all use you, like lemmings, we all accept and use you in unison.

We actually wait in line almost begging for you, but only once a year. We will use you for a few days, then toss you aside, sneering at your geekiness. Lo! Someone dares mention we ought to reconsider your social status, and she, too, is mocked!

No other, friend or foe, is so willing to proudly shout your name. No other so bold as to introduce you to others, buy you a drink and hang around all week, never really leaving your presence. No other so willing to hold your business cards for you while you take potty break. No! No one else so faithful to make sure you make it back to your hotel with your room key, driver's license, credit card, conference schedule, ink pen, lip gloss and Tony Dunn t-shirt money...no one. NO ONE! No one, but you, conference neck wallet. Conference neck wallet, I love you. And if I could teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony, I'd also teach it to embrace the neck wallet.

Honobia - Chapter 3

We'd have to worry about camping arrangements later. I had to literally shake my head to get the images of the past ten minutes out of my mind's eye. The slick roads and fog were where I needed to focus my attention. There would be plenty of time to try to grasp what just happened after we made our way down from the mountain.

As we headed south toward Idabel, with Jared and Clay following behind us, Cody and I sat silently for a few miles. Cody finally broke the silence as he grinned and said cheerfully, "We're going to a Bigfoot meeting!"

As we drove the hour and a half down to Idabel, Cody and I replayed every moment, every nuance of what the ladies told us. I wondered what Clay and Jared were thinking as we made our way to the separation point of Idabel. We couldn't help but laugh about what happened and hoped that Jared and Clay really did understand that this was just not something we could pass up.

After we parted ways, Cody and I discussed how we would kill time. We still had a good five or six hours until our meeting. Our meeting. We decided that we'd set out to see all sorts of things in southeastern Oklahoma, so we'd just see more before we headed back north.

About 15 minutes west of Idabel was the Wheelock Mission Church: the oldest church in Oklahoma. Wheelock Mission was also an academy for American Indian girls. While we were there, it began to rain again. Being in this place, with the cold rain didn't dampen our spirits. It didn't even wash away what was in the back of both our minds. I kind of felt sorry for Wheelock. I felt sorry that I wasn't enjoying it the way I would have if I weren't so eager and scared at the same time to go back to Honobia later that night. I felt sorry for Wheelock that it wasn't enough for me. I realized it was probably irrational to feel sorry for a place: it has no feelings. But really, the whole of the day seemed irrational, so I decided that I didn't really care. Feeling sorry for an inanimate object seemed to be the least of things that others would deem me crazy for thinking or doing today.

The only thing that seemed to capture my attention was when we discovered the old cemetery beside the old church at Wheelock. The gates to drive into the cemetery were locked, but the fence was low. Those that know me know I fretted for several minutes, weighing the pros and cons of jumping the fence. By the time I made my move, Cody was already on the other side, several feet away, reading the headstones that were still legible after all the years.

Being there, in the midst of tombstones well over a hundred years old, gave me the same feeling as when I stand at the edge of the ocean. Small. Insignificant and important all in the same moment. I wondered what adventures some of these people had. I wondered what they'd think about us going to a Bigfoot meeting.

By the time Cody and I hopped back over the fence to get in the car, the week of camping, the day's events, the rain, the fog, the weight of what was to come became palpable. Cody and I were determined to continue to find adventure, right up to the 7 p.m. meeting, even though we were both growing weary, neither wanting to admit it.

We decided that there'd be all kinds of stuff to do near Broken Bow. At the least we could go to Beaver's Bend State Park. On the way, we saw a sign that directed us to a wildlife refuge to the east of Highway 3. The right hand turn we took ended up being more than just a turn off the road. It was a turn in our friendship. I can honestly say that no friendship is stronger than after you have a fight and come out on the other side laughing. Like forging iron, really.

What's funny in hindsight is that our fight wasn't over someone making a wrong turn, or over someone thinking they were right and the other "knowing" they're really wrong. As we drove and drove and drove, unable to find the wildlife refuge or another sign to help us find our way, the tension grew in the car. Not from our inability to find where we were going, but over someone taking the lead! I wanted to know what Cody thought we should do. He wanted me to be a woman about it and make a decision!

Somehow we ended up on the muddiest roads I've ever seen. Clay mud. Thick mud. The kind that can get a little Saturn car stuck quickly. The worse the roads became, the less we spoke to each other. AGH!

In silence we drove. The only sound from me was asking to check his side to make sure I wouldn't get stuck. The only sound from him alerting me to mud I may not have seen. Which road should I take? He wouldn't say. Should I turn here? He wouldn't say. He wasn't doing it to be stubborn (well, a little maybe). He was convinced that I was capable of making my own decisions and could get us out of there. In hindsight, he was right, but in that car, on those roads, in the rain, I was ticked!

We finally made it back to Highway 3. We both rode in silence still. He took a nap and I fumed. We still had a good hour to drive to make it back to Honobia and it was about 5:30 now.

As I drove toward Honobia, I felt as if two entities were warring. One drawing us in toward the small community center in the middle of the clearing, the other begging me not to go. I still had the childish notion that were about to be sacrificed to sasquatch. An offering from the community so he'd leave their loved ones alone. Besides that, I wanted to cry! We're about to have the best story ever and we weren't even speaking to each other.

As I turned off of Highway 3 onto 144, with darkness encroaching, I was getting even more melancholy with the fog and the drizzle: everything seemed eery. Cody seemed to be awake then, but still silence. Then as quickly as we'd gotten angry with each other, it passed, as though it hadn't happened at all when Cody said, "This is creepy!" Haha. Indeed.

Only then were we able to laugh at what we were doing. BAH hahahah! We laughed so hard I cried. Maybe it was tears for the stress, the sadness at our fight and now the hilarity of our situation. We were driving BACK to Honobia. For a meeting. A Bigfoot meeting! It was only then that I confided to Cody my fears about being sacrificed to the beast. We both laughed even harder at that thought.

With each mile that we grew closer to the meeting place, my heart raced faster, giddy with excitement of the unknown. The left hand turn back down the only paved road in Honobia was almost more than I could bear! The sun had long since set and the only light was from the two lone street lights near the old schoolhouse that served as the community center. There were a few cars here already.

We decided that even if we didn't believe Bigfoot existed, why chance it? We looked at each other and reiterated our promise from earlier: no camping in Honobia.

Don't Kill the PM

My friend and co-worker, David, has begun creating a comic of his (and our, I guess) experiences in various Web-related roles through his 15+ years in the Web world. Enjoy!

Don't Kill the PM

Ya, we know there's a typo. I'll re-post once it's corrected, but wanted to go ahead and share.

Honobia - Chapter 2

As Cody headed toward the edge of the woods and I toward Jared and Clay's truck I was replaying the past 5 minutes in my head. The interval between pulling up to the Honobia Community Center and the point at which all of our weekend plans changed seemed to take only an instant, but also moved in movie-like slow motion.

When we pulled up to the Community Center and were unable to convince Jared and Clay to get out of the truck, and were unable to get the community folks to notice us, we took note of the only one even interested in us: the little boy with the giant moth. This moth was the size of a dessert plate, no lie! And it was just resting in the palm of this boy's hand, as though whoever cast a spell on the town's people, as they all went about their business without even a sideways glance to the strangers in town, cast a similar spell on the moth. As the people went about sawing and hammering and chatting with one another, so the moth was content to lie in the palm of the boy.

As Cody and I were looking in the old schoolhouse, feeling like we were spectators in a theater, the actors oblivious to the audience, the boy was the only one to speak to us. He showed us his moth with father-like adoration. As he was talking to us, I was afraid that his speaking to strangers was a bad idea, even though I was the stranger. Completely unprovoked, he confided that he knows where Bigfoot goes. What? Cody and I tried not to make eye contact, but this is WHY we drove to Honobia! This is why we drug Clay and Jared here, prolonging our arrival in Shreveport: Bigfoot. Not to see him, of course, but to hear the stories.

His mother appeared at the open door of the schoolhouse--not out of concern for the strangers that were speaking to her son, or because she heard the fanciful stories he was telling: she just happened to pass by. The boy introduced us to his mother. She was friendly. She was also from out of town visiting her husband's family and helping out with the construction on the building.

Cody, ever inquisitive, asked her about the work being done, we were passing through (that's a stretch!) and heard that there was a festival here. As the boy and his moth waited patiently, his mom said the words that changed the course of my and Cody's weekend plans. "You comin' to the meetin'?"

"What meeting?" I am still not sure if it was Cody or I that verbalized the question burning in both of our minds.

"The Bigfoot meeting, " was her reply. I was dumbfounded. Did I hear that right? And as if Cody could read my mind, hearing my question, I heard his reply with his eyes, lit up like a kid at Christmas. She must have said what I thought I heard. :-)

"Oh, Bigfoot meeting? We didn't know about it. When is it?" Cody, trying to be as casual as a pair of sweats, asked for the both of us.

"Tonight at 7, I think, but my mother-in-law knows more. She's kind of in charge of it. She's back in the kitchen if you wanna ask her about it."

My jaw dropped in my mind, but not physically. I had to keep my cool. It would be unfair of me to inadvertently pass judgment on their strong belief that the things they've experienced are attributed to Bigfoot's existence.

I eyed Cody for some sort of guidance. When he entered the building, I followed. We found our way to the back of the building and found who seemed to be the matriarch of the town. We asked about the meeting her daughter-in-law alluded to, and she confirmed a 7 p.m. start, right here in the kitchen of the community center. While we were both full of questions, our minds aflutter, we managed to control ourselves and just find out the nature of "the Bigfoot meeting". Up to this point (all 2 minutes since hearing about the meeting) we weren't sure if it was a meeting to go find him, a meeting to debate the merits of having faith in his existence or even a meeting to offer up some poor wayward travelers to the beast as a sacrifce to keep their town safe. That last option was the one that kept nagging at me. I think I watch too much science fiction. Still, it would always be at the back of my mind.

She told us that the meeting was to look into "startin' up a Bigfoot club". Apparently a deputy sherrif in a neighboring county was going to talk to us (she said "us"! Does that mean we're welcome to come????) about his efforts in locating Bigfoot. It then occured to me then that Bigfoot is always mentioned as a single entity, a proper name. If he existed, then surely there were more, but I mentally shook the thought away. I needed to focus on matter at hand: there was meeting. to start a club. and we were invited!

As she bid us farewell and safety until we met again at 7, my mind raced and I'm sure my eyes were darting about, searching the floor for answers as we headed back to the side door of the old schoolhouse. What would Clay and Jared say? I knew they wouldn't come back for a Bigfoot club meeting, although Cody and I never verbalized our desire to come back, nor did we really tell the woman we were, in fact coming back, Cody and I both knew we were. We had to. It was our immediate destiny.

When we reached the door and the three steps down to the grassy ground, soggy from the mist and fog of the past 18 hours, the boy and his moth were waiting for us. He beckoned us to go with him to the woods so he could show us where Bigfoot has crossed. He wanted us to see the creek where Bigfoot "prolly takes his bath." I was still agahst. And still Cody and I hadn't even discussed changing our plans, but I said, "I'm going to go tell Jared and Clay what's up and see if they want to go on to Shreveport without us." Cody nodded in agreement and headed off toward the clearing's edge as I made it Jared's truck.

"So..." I sheepishly said to Jared and Clay. "There's a meeting tonight. Here at 7. A Bigfoot club meeting."

I'm pretty sure Clay stared at me, wide-eyed and laughing. Jared just looked at me with a slightly annoyed look, but amused nonetheless. "A Bigfoot meeting???" I'm not sure which one said it, but they both thought I was nuts. I wondered if they thought my friend Cody, whom I'd only known for two and a half months, had put me up to this.

They both confirmed that they did not want to come back at 7 for a Bigfoot meeting, but they understood if Cody and I wanted to change up our plans. No big deal. We'd all go down to Idabel to check some stuff out, get Jared and Clay on their way to Shreveport, and then Cody and I could come back north for our meeting. OUR meeting. Weird.

As Clay, Jared and I finished up figuring out the new plans, Cody came back with the biggest grin on his face: he'd gotten many stories from the little boy. I'd have to wait for tonight to get my own earful, and an earful it would be. We bid farewell to the boy and his moth, got in my car with Jared and Clay following and headed to Idabel. The whole time my mind wandered and wondered what the night would bring. The only thing I knew was that our week of camping would not find me camping in Honobia. Cody agreed. No camping in Honobia...

Honobia - Chapter 1

The slow drizzle of rain seems so comforting today: it reminds me of south Louisiana. All I need now is for a train to go by about a block or two from here, to smell mom's burning incense and I'd swear I was back home (I already have her favorite Pearl Jam music playing on my computer). Today is Saturday: cleaning day. Mom, I promise I tried to get my chores done first this morning before getting on the computer. Kitchen is clean, laundry sorted and washing, but vacuuming doesn't call to me like the computer does. :-) And finally writing this story down for Cody just seemed like the right thing to do. Haha.

You know how sometimes you start thinking about one thing, then realize a few minutes later you're on another topic altogether and you aren't sure how your brain made those leaps? Such is my reminiscing today. The rain had me thinking about being about 10 years old in Addis and now I'm remembering parts of a crazy road trip with one of my best friends, Cody. Maybe the weather is the connecting factor in my memory leaps from 1987 to 2006.

True story. While most of our Spring Break road trip was sunny and mild, a few days spent in the southeastern part of Oklahoma, deep in the heart of Kiamichi country, the weather was markedly chilly, rainy, foggy: somber. Perhaps someday I'll write about the trip up to the point of Friday, but today Friday is where we start. Friday found me and Cody at Robber's Cave State Park in Wilburton, Oklahoma. The day was overcast with foreboding clouds gathering, which was distressing to me because two more friends, Clay and Jared, were going to drive to Wilburton to meet us to camp out and then head to Shreveport Saturday morning. I just knew Jared would NOT like camping in the rain. Spoiler alert: he didn't! :-)

So, Friday Cody and I climbed all over the rocks and caves in the state park. There's also a huge face of rock called Devil's Slide that I braved. As it grew dark and the about the time Clay and Jared arrived it began to rain. Great. Just in time to get the six-man tent up and then do nothing. I could almost see the irritation level rise in Jared's neck and face like a thermometer. During the night we were each cocooned inside our individual sleeping bags, awake, with sleep being an elusive nymph, trying to stay warm, and I was crammed against the wall of the tent, trying to not touch the tent and break the surface tension (to no avail--I was wet).

In the morning, after we all got showers, we took Clay and Jared to climb the rocks. We then loaded up our stuff and drove southeast to Talahina. We wanted to get some lunch and then head to Honobia (pronounced ho - nub - EE). Cody found out that Honobia'd had a Bigfoot festival the previous fall, and we just knew we had to go visit this town. Now, I'm not saying I believe Bigfoot exists, but come on! Bigfoot festival? We HAD to go check out this place!

Honobia is nestled in the fringes of the Kiamichi mountains about 25 miles from the Oklahoma-Arkansas border, as the crow flies. Clay and Jared followed me and Cody up the winding road to Honobia. The drive up in the cold, grey drizzle felt like we were in a scary movie on the Sci Fi channel. I really felt that at any moment Bigfoot could jump out of the trees lining the mountain road. And I actually wondered if he had as we passed a Bigfoot Crossing road sign. Seriously?

Finally a break in the trees revealed a small ghost-town. Well, we thought it was a ghost town, but in reality it was just a small town. A Saturday. No one around. Not even at the small general store. Yes, general store. Behind the general store were a few houses and mobile homes. We were afraid someone might come shoot us thinking we were trying to break into the store, so we were trying to quickly determine our next move: do we write this up as one-point Honobia, zero-road trip fun? Do we explore the dirt roads that were quickly becoming mud? All we saw were mud roads. We thought we'd passed a paved road just past the bend in the road. We decided to try that one, then get the heck outta Dodge, er, Honobia. I was getting creeped out.

We got in our vehicles and went back to the paved road that wound around for about a mile. Trees and a creek were to the left of us and a house or two to the right. We then came to a clearing: a large field with what looked like an old white-washed, wooden schoolhouse plopped in the center. There were cars here. Life! As we got closer, we saw the sign that read "Honobia Community Center" and of course, another Bigfoot Crossing street sign. Ah. At last.

We pulled up near the other cars and trucks. Cody and I got out to assess the situation. Jared and Clay refused to get out of their truck. haha. The schoolhouse was a lot longer that it appeared from the road. From the side where we were, we could tell the original building had been expanded. I wondered if it was from expansion of the town itself or from the needs of the festival.

Cody and I walked up to one of the handful of open doors, as we heard the sounds of saws and smelled freshly cut wood. It appeared they were laying new floor in the community center. Here we were in a small town, two strangers walking into the community center full of what appeared to be every one of the town's residents and no one looked up. They all kept at their work. It felt like we were in the Twilight Zone. Cody finally broke our cloak of invisibility when he asked a woman what was going on. She slowly turned her attention to us, un-phased by our presence and replied, "We're doing some improvements to get ready for the festival." Sweet. Confirmation that we were, indeed, where we hoped we'd be. But after her response, she returned to ignoring us, going about her business. Only then did a little boy about 8 or 9 years old walk up to us and tell us to come with him. "Let me show you something."

Cody and I just looked at each other, almost speaking to each other telepathically. Would we get shot by some parents wondering why we were talking to their son? Why is this kid walking to the edge of the clearing toward the trees, beckoning us? We glanced at Jared and Clay. I headed to Jared's truck as Cody walked toward the boy.

The Poor Electron

I've been pondering how the electron feels: spinning around through life, not ever really feeling like you belong to the in-crowd, you know those protons and neutrons that stick together in the nucleus.

I mean, sometimes, if you're the only electron, another electron from another atom will try to hook up with you, but you know you're just being used for your ionic personality, and will be dropped as soon as you're no longer needed.

I wonder if it's the electron's fault that it is how it is, did it have any control over its destiny to BE an electron? Can it change its circumstances?

I kinda feel badly for the electron. Maybe it wouldn't have such a negative personality if it was loved a little more.

The Great Spider Fiasco of '09

For those of you familiar with the "Fiddleback Spider in the House of Huge Debacle of '06", there's no need to get nervous...this story is not bad like that one was. :-P

Last Wednesday afternoon I was driving home from work, heading west on the freeway out of Fort Worth, the sunlight peerting (yes, it's a word...just ask Russell Neill) my eyes in the rear view mirrors. Traffic tends to be heavy on the way home, and Wednesday was no different. Even amid all the blinding sunlight, it was still mighty chilly in my car so I turned on the heater. Well, I thought the heater. :-) Still getting used to the new vehicle's instruments, my "muscle memory" actually had me turn on the defroster. Whatev. It was warm. :-)

This is where a normal drive home took a turn for the worse. Not long after turning on the heat, a being the size of a nickel-- black, fuzzy with white dots--rushed toward me. I am sure he gave me the evil eye. I noticed his lingering gaze as he stopped at the edge of the dashboard. I know inside he was contemplating jumping at me. He wondered if he could jump the distance between us. His heart was racing as he thought, "Can I make it?" My heart raced as I thought, "Can he make it?"

Things seemed to move in slow motion yet in fast forward all at once. I frantically searched the front seat for something to place upon the spider to impede his forward motion (read: squish him). I could find nothing except my coat. So I grabbed the sleeve of my black coat as I kept an eye on Fuzzy. At the moment I grabbed the coat he made his move. He ran down onto the gas gauge! ACK! So I firmly placed the coat sleeve upon the area as well. My mind was now aflutter. Did I get him? Where is he? If I move the coat will he jump on me?

I decided I could not make it home in this condition. I peeled across three lanes of traffic to the nearest exit. Again, no small feat in rush hour traffic. I stopped at a sports car mechanic shop at the exit and pulled into the parking lot sideways. I had to know if I got the spider!

As I did all of this my hand was still pressed in the coat sleeve against the gas gauge. I had to switch hands to put the car in park and undo my seat belt. I then switched hands again and jumped out of the car. When I moved the coat sleeve there was no spider. No guts. ACK!!!! Where did he go? My heart pounded harder. Where was he? Was he watching me now?

I ran to the passenger side and using only a finger and thumb flung my coat, sweater and purse onto the pavement. I began systematically stomping my coat and sweater. And by systematically, I mean frantically and in no recognizable sense of order. I then dumped out everything from my purse, fearing the spider ran inside to only scare me later, or worse, take up residence in my apartment like a stowaway!

About this time I thought maybe the spider was on me, so I began frantically flinging my hands about my hair to dislodge any unwanted pests. Simultaneously a mechanic comes out to my hair flinging and stomping of the coat and asked, "Everything ok? You spill something?"

I answered, "No. There's a spider in my car." I mean, this IS what was going on, but he just looked at me like I was an idiot. He responded, "uh. Ok." and walked away!

After about 10 minutes of hair flinging and coat stomping I decided to just put my stuff in the back of car (it would take a while for the spider to make it back up to the front seat from there if he was still in my coat or purse). I drove in fear the whole way home, wondering when and where the fuzzy spider would rear his ugly, spotted head.

It occurred to me on the way home that he probably ran down the steering column. Do you remember when you first started driving and the driver's ed teacher told you to check the road, check your speed, check the rear view mirror then repeat? And it felt as unnatural as it it sounds? I felt that way as I added in the obligatory glace toward the steering column. I decided on the way home that I would get the spider spray from the kitchen and douse the steering column. I wondered if it would ruin anything.

When I pulled up to the driveway, I ran upstairs and changed clothes so I could stomp my work outfit, just in case the spider was in there somewhere.

Outside the next-door neighbors (guys) were moving. No matter, I immediately began dousing all the floorboards in the car as well as the back cargo hatch area. They were eyeballing me so I said, "There's a spider in my car." I got the same sort of look as I did earlier from the mechanic.

I also popped the hood and sprayed the air vents. I then again wondered about spraying the steering column. As I opened the driver's side door that spider brazenly marched out from the depths of the steering column (I kid you not!) I think all the fumes had him running for fresh air. That's when I made my move. Unable to get an angle to squish him, I sprayed him for a solid 10-15 seconds. He was covered in white foam. He then ran back into the steering column! Oh no!!!

Remember this was Wednesday. Church night! So I texted a couple of friends (they're roommates) from church to say "need a ride to church. there's a spider in my car". They thought I was kidding, but I wasn't. Besides not knowing if he was dead or not, there was so much bug spray in that car it could kill an elephant! They were kind enough to give me a ride and not make too much fun of me.

The next morning I rode with the windows down on the way to work in 40 degree weather so I wouldn't gag on the fumes.

I never did see ol' fuzzy again. I hope I never do.

May the Force Be With You

Pumpkin carving was fun! Check out my Vader pumpkin.

I <3 these things...

Things for which I am thankful
Not an exhaustive list by any means…

(Not in any particular order either)

• God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit
• Family
• Close friends that truly know you and love you anyway
• Friends that call you out on your "baloney"—but not in front of others.
• Friends that do not assume that they know you better than you know yourself.
• Friends that actually DO know you better than you know yourself.
• People that do not act like they know everything about anything.
• People that know a whole lot more than I do.
• Cool fall weather--I'm so glad you're here!!!!
• Hoodies and sweat pants
• Kittens
• Flowers
• Sonic cranberry limeades
• Smiles
• our government (whether or not we agree with actions individuals in office may or may not take)
• our military
• friends that try to set you up on blind date
• friends that don't get ticked when you're not really comfortable with the idea of a blind date
• frogs, toads and turtles
• music
• sunrises
• sunsets
• the ocean
• friends that are in Louisiana that "knew you when…"
• friends in Ada that "remember that time…"
• new friends in Texas that always rock my socks off
• friends that have moved away but will always be in my top 10
• friends that know I love all of them equally…
• soft, cool grass (freshly mowed)
• the number pi
• asymptotes…they blow my mind!
• hugs (might be in my top 5)
• curiosity
• the word "blarg"…thanks Amanda
• post-it notes
• love
• iTissues (hehehe)
• water and air
• dr pepper...aka Nectar of Life
• the color blue (like the darkest part of an afternoon sky)
• prayer
• two words: ROAD TRIPS!!!!
• my awesome ability to do the robot. :-)
• mascot suits
• ninjas

I love this photo! What memories...

• ridiculously large pencils
• meeting famous people randomly {cough Don King cough}
• my Website Hero mug.

BLARG! yes. I say, BLARG!

If you're in no mood to read about my frustrations and negative mood, then read no further. :-)
I have actually written about some of these before, but after training faculty and staff for a few days straight, my brain is tired and I feel as though I need to vent.

And tomorrow I plan to post a list of things for which I am thankful, the OCT 2008 edition (for those of you keeping track on myspace).

I have been frustrated lately: work, school (although I did get accepted into grad school! woo-hoo!), missing my family, friends—all of these have been on my mind.

I think if I write some things down, perhaps it will allow me to release them and they won't continue to tick me off today.

1. Why has the soda pop industry created a conspiracy to get me to drink 2.5 servings of pop at one time by packaging it in a 20 oz bottle? Or is this actually a governmental conspiracy to make a serving only 8oz? Curse the Nectar of Life...yes, curse thee Dr. Pepper!

2. Why does everyone have to gripe, groan or otherwise complain when they find out that my favorite baseball team is the Yankees or that my second fave is the Cubs? Yes, I realize they haven't won the Series in 100 years. blah blah blah... I don't complain when your favorite song is "Idiot Boyfriend" by Jimmy Fallon…I like this song, too, but come on…Idiot Boyfriend? Really? That's your FAVORITE? Perhaps it's a sign. :-P

3. Why do girls find it necessary to pretend their IQ is about 20 points less than it is to attract a guy's attention?

4. Why do guys fall for this? Or do guys really prefer girls that provide little or no intellectual stimulation? Do guys really just want a girl that thinks anything they say is "awesome" and "so smart"…"oh, you're talking over my head I don't know." Argh!

5. Why don't more people appreciate the humor of a giant pencil? I think they're great!

6. Why do people find it necessary to not only interrupt but "top" your story? Thank you Saturday Night Live for making a skit out of this…I loved every second of it. Really.

7. Where's my other quarter so I can go get a Dr. Pepper?

8. Where have all of my paper clips gone? I don't use them that often. Can someone send me back some papers with a paper clip on them?

9. Email forwards that claim you'll not find your true love if you don't send it to 23 friends in 2 minutes…or claim that it is being tracked by a large company and your friend of a friend of a friend of a friend did in fact receive a check for 1, 345.88 just last week. argh. Need I say more?

10. I read a question on Yahoo! Answers this morning asking about genetic selection and "discarding" the embryos that do not meet certain qualifications. This not only made me sad but really ticked me off! Are you KIDDING me? If you really just want a blue eyed girl with dark hair, go adopt. They need loving families and you don't have to "discard" any unwanted embryos. This sounds to me like a fancy way of trying to accomplish what Hitler was doing—totally unacceptable!

11. mmmm…why is this Dr. Pepper so good?

12. What's the deal with the number 13? I know comedians have stated this before, but I'm not trying to get a laugh from you, I want to know: who do you think you're fooling, Mr. Big Building Floor-Numberer, by calling the 13th floor the 14th? Know what's sad? Many are ok with this..they don't feel so scared.

13.

14. The question formerly known as 13.

15. I love soft carpet not cold linoleum. Who's with me?!?!?!??!

16. My office is messy. I need to clean it.

17. Why do people have to assume that since I'm younger than they are that I know nothing about the job I was hired to do?

18. Why can't we wear flip flops to work? Or maybe blue fuzzy slippers. It would really make my day better.

19. I think I'm a little obsessive. Upon realizing this was number 19 I fought with the question, "should I make it an even 20? Or 21 since I skipped 13. What about 22 since 15 is the artist formerly known as 14?"

Even though my chest tightens and my palms sweat at this moment as I haven't resolved my issues referenced in 19, I thank you for reading this…not even my Dilbert, Tales from Redesignland or Orlando photo can cheer me at the moment…but…can't….look…away….CURSE YOUR HANDSOME FACE ORLANDO BLOOM!

Hey kids, rock n roll...rock on!

So, the HighEdWeb Conference was a blast. I met some folks that I've "known" on some social networking sites for a few months. Here are just a few of the pics from our opening reception.

Get a Clue...shift happens

Gordy Pace, Dir of IT communications Univ of Montana

Reading homework The Cluetrain Manifesto. the premise was that everything would change in the business world w/net. "A powerful global conversation has begun."

The people who look like they know a lot actually have gaps in their knowledge. If have a team, then others can fill in the gaps.

More homework Groundswell. Studies in how people are using technologies.

Consequences:

• balance of pwr has shifted
• control of pr/marketing has been weakened
• your brand is what your customers say it is
• your employees are connecting online, building ideas and discussing your policies, etc.

P-people. assess customers' social activities

O-objectives

S-Strategy

T-technology

Too often people jump to the T and just say "we want facebook" rather than looking at what our students are using or want us to use. what are our objectives? then come up with a strategy and then determine what technologies are available.

UPDATE 2:20 PM

more homework naked conversations about blogging

perceptions about blogging may be incorrect.

Aparently text message novels are big in Japan.

Says he started a technology think tank and included a LOT of people. I think there were over 50 depts on that slide!

He's a big proponent of creating a strategic plan.

Having the juxtaposition of a driving force and a restrictive force and understanding those helped in their portal implementation.

He likens web 1.0 to living in the suburbs and web 2.0 to living in the city. :-) but not really the best metaphor but it did open up conversation. b/c some people are scared of the city or just like living in the suburbs.

Keynote--Kyle Ford

Woo-hoo! He did the Xfiles site. I loved the Xfiles. Now he's at Ning. Yay for ning :-)

What is Social Networking?
A set of online tools that allows for content creation and community building. (his def)

tools of sn
forum, video, photos, music, etc.

Even ebay or amazon are social networks.

AOL, CompuServe, Prodigy in the 90's. Then came along Netscape.
Publishing 2.0 in the early 2000's:
Blogger, TypePad, WordPress able to self-publish

Now...2008:
Facebook, myspace, youtube, linkedin you're joining THEIR world --facebooks world.

Ning gives the people the freedom to create your own social networks for anything. Co-creator of ning was also co-creator of precursor to Netscape. Then he sold Netscape to AOL.

Ning means "peace" in chinese.

He's giving us a quick and dirty on how to create your ning network in one minute.

UPDATE 1:00 PM

Showing us examples of ning sites: NKOTB, 50cent, TI, HighEdWeb, Ask a Ninja

can use social networks for language immersion, video conferencing, social notes.

One class can't take paper notes, must use a wiki=social note taking.

Social networking is a 2 way street.

used to be i think therefore i am
now it's we participate therefore we are

likens social networks to calculators. when it comes along it levels the playing field. it would be silly to not use the tools.

Kyle says we should build better soldiers. They learn to use the tools and process the info.

Webcasting

Joel Doepker, Dir of pub relations and communications at Ozarks Tech Community College (OTC) Has won 5 Emmys in News Photography and Editing (his voice is like butter. so mezmerizing. can tell he worked in TV)

Key partnerships for success:

• college admin
• media services (former professionals)
• web services/IT
• Public Relations

Had the MO gov on campus, so wanted a video of visit in a timely manner for web site. Gov on campus Monday, had the video online by Tues. afternoon. working on processes to do that more quickly. sent the video to gov's office so they had immediate feedback from the college for coming.

College events, student profiles, dept profiles, etc. for videos

The college president does a video to keep campus informed on things.

Presenter does monthly video newsletter.

UPDATE 11:00 AM

Public relations submits story ideas, he records interviews, records the video, write and edit script, then post video to website. relies on media services.

Production time=7 hrs. Editing is the biggest chunk of time.

Benefits for college beyond the web site for video:

• recruitment
• community relations
• gov't relations
• internal communications
• media relations

Local tv stations are glad OTC is providing them video content. Sent video with the press release. Was able to provide the tv station with interviews and video footage and was on the 5:00 news b/c the station was too busy to come out.

News organizations are desperate for content for tv AND web sites.

UPDATE 11:10 AM

They make sure they use tech and & equipment for broadcast standard, not just cheap stuff.

Lessons learned:

• work closely with IT b/c video was WAY too big
• student background
• communicate your vision

We can learn from his mistakes. Had a student in video that was on academic probation so not the best representative in a video. Was most popular kid at college, not best rep for "poster child".

Just debuted a foundation video to raise $. (but he says it's 8 mins...I think that may be too long. hmmm...)

Note to self: could be a possiblity for our marketing consultant to work on these.

Wants to integrate more students b/c students want to hear from students. and not all students are 18 or 19 years old.

Q: what resolution are you using? it seems pretty crisp and high detail for online.
A: He's showing us a direct file, not the shrunked file off of their website. it's 3x4 on web, 16x9 here.

Q: do you stick with windows media?
A: yes. we'd like to do something different, but we're working on it.

Q: noticed in your workflow you had transcript. do you provide that?
A: i saw what you did yesterday, so yeah, i want to have the transcription for our videos. and flash applications for it.

Q: Can you do the voiceovers for our videos? (laughter from whole audience...see, told you those following on twitter, voice is mezmerizing)
A: talk to me after. LOL.

Hmm, discussing the video releases and public domain and "gentleman's agreement".

Analytics with Kyle James

Kyle directs us to his blog doteduguru.com says all this info is on his blog.

Says we are important. We could put a redirect to a porn site from the homepage and have more of an impact than any speech the campus pres could give. LOL

Getting students to our school is #1. Other things we have to determine what's important for our site like RSS feeds, video, etc. Must define those before look at any data/analytics.

Terms:
visits, unique visits, etc.

Misunderstood terms:
pageviews--what's good? 3 or 5? pageviews are irrelevant.
time on site--there's no way to know how long anyone was on the last page. the avg time on site doesn't acct for last page
bounce rate--bounce means they come then leave.
exit--they come to site and visit other pages then leave. leaving to subdomain would register as a bounce.
traffic types--direct (bookmarks too), search
benchmarking--Alexa, compete, quantcast are free services
edurank.nucloud.com--Kyle and friends are doing this, is in "alpha-beta" version. :-) says to check it out and let him know of any bugs you find.

UPDATE 9:56 AM

10/90 rule--10% of budget on tools and 90% on people.

Many use google analytics in this session. Can track more than one domain in google analytics.

Sitescan and WASP are recommended by Kyle.

Data overload!!
must segment and filter. Can set up to 100 profiles within google analytics by city or dept.
set up site search within GA.

set up a sandbox profile and a raw data one so can get all raw data.

standardize your data: capitalization, www --to use or not to use. make sure so set up for both.

able to filter subdomains, and exclude IP filter.

UPDATE 10:10 AM

can filter by country, region, city. says the order of filters are important, so will have to play with that to get it right.

full referral URL filter is available

destination URL tagging is important and easy to set up. Great for campaigns. can send to short URL then redirect to landing page so can track the short URL to see how campaign is faring.

Can track links to docs such as a PDF viewbook, or videos, flash. He thinks this report is still a little buggy, but worth paying attention to.

Can tag audience segments and is great for email marketing campaigns. Says he hasn't used this one, but if anyone has he'd like to hear about it.

Site Search Report can help you to see where the search was started and how many times they had to redfine that search can help you know what is difficult to find on your site. These things may need to be made more apparent.

Also helps with terminology: residence halls vs campus dorms. Can see what users are calling things. Can tell if they got frustrated and bounced after trying to search.

Can tell what search engine used outside and what keywords or pages are brining in lots of traffic.

UPDATE 10:15 PM

page titles are important for SEO. referring sites report is helpful.the 404 error page report is great. can add some code to those page.

"It's all about your user, guys."

Can track more than our site. Facebook or even offline campaigns. When send out URLs on offline ads, can track what is effective and track which URLs are being used.

Tracking blogs: Feedburner and ShareThis
Can monitor social media to see what's being used: facebook for college kids but myspace seems for those that don't go--his experience anyway.

Always test.
Don't get caught up in numbers, look at the trends.
Set up a reporting schedule and track key metrics.
Set up goals.

UPDATE 10:25 AM

Q: How to help marketing people understand the data in the reports?
A: Audience member: we provide a custom report that makes sense to them. Kyle: can have a report scheduled to send to particular people on specific dates

Q: how to get tracking code?
A: Kyle: adds it himself. Can drop the code into the template near the footer tag